I Will Go Down With This Ship
by thekeeperofwords
Summary: Shortly before the war ends, Alanna and Jon get into another fight. She storms out of Corus, and has to return to the North by boat, along with Kel and Neal. What will happen when a fleet of Scanran ships means inevitable death? standalone
1. I will do down with this ship

(A tragic little ficlet/song ficlet about….well I'm not sure. I think I took the term "I will go down with this ship" a liiiiiitle too literally, but ah well. This is the scene in my head. It's got "White Flag" by Dido in it

P.s. I'm still a BIG A/J shipper. But I'm on break right now)

__

Alanna of Pirates Swoop and Olau, King's Champion, wiped angry tears from her cheeks. Carefully she turned to stare accusingly at the hills separating Corus from the harbor at Port Caynn, as if Jon could see what he had done if they weren't there. Of course, he _knew_ what he had done. The King had denied her request for another furlough from the quickly-dwindling war. That had resulted in an pitched argument, ending in Alanna storming out of Corus.

_Why does this seem familiar_? Alanna asked herself silently. Behind her waited a group of mainly green knights, along with several other important people ready to return North. Unfortunately for Alanna, they would travel by ship, her least favorite means of transport.

I know you think that I shouldn't still love you

  
I'll tell you that 

  
But if I didn't say it

  
Well, I'd still have felt it 

  
Where's the sense in that? 

"Lady Alanna?" Keladry of Mindelan bowed quickly. 

"Ah…Kel!" Alanna said, surprised. The ship lurched and she grabbed for the rail. "I was---was hoping you would….be here." She fought to hold back her nausea.

Kel didn't know whether to laugh or be alarmed before she remember that her message didn't leave time to be either. "Oh Gods, I almost forgot! Alanna, there's a fleet…Wolf ships and catapults, carriers and battering vessels… An estimated four hundred Scanran soldiers, prowling the coast and coming this way." She fought a shudder.

Alanna remained motionless, doing several calculations in her head. Kel watched her closely.

"Thank you, Kel," the Lioness whispered. "Please…I must think."

Kel nodded hesitantly and returned to her friends, face carefully blank.

Alanna squinted along the horizon, and thought she could see a speck of Tortall's shore.

"This is it, Jon," she breathed.

  
I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder 

  
Or return to where we were 

The Scanran armada came at the Tortallans at an almost leisurely pace. They knew their quarry had nowhere to go. The Tortallan ship's rail was now lined with grim knights, soldiers, and a few mages, Alanna prominent at the forefront.

  
Well I will go down with this ship

  
And I won't put my hands up and surrender 

  
There will be no white flag above my door 

  
I'm in love and always will be 

The Lioness closed her eyes and reached out with her gift. Quickly she located Jon, and with a quick movement of her hand she had partly unsheathed her sword, revealing the scrying blade.

"Alanna?" the King asked, confused. She held up the blade, giving him a view of their oncoming enemy. Inevitable death on the sea. "No!" he yelled. "Alanna!"

She had already slammed the blade back into its sheath and closed off her magic. She wanted him to know how it was going to end.

__

  


I know I left too much mess 

  
And destruction to come back again 

  
And I caused but nothing but trouble 

  
I understand if you can't talk to me again 

  
And if you live by the rules of 'It's over' 

  
Then I'm sure that that makes sense 

Within hours the first stone ball was flung off the catapult and landed with a sickening splash dangerously close to the ship. A red flag with white corners was raised from the Scanran's flag ship--the flag asking if they wished to surrender. The knights looked around warily. Alanna stood resolutely, making sure to convey her wish to remain strong. Her former squire, Nealan of Queenscove, wore a worried frown, hand clenched around some kind of locket around his wrist.

_Yukimi_, Alanna thought. She looked around at those waiting for her orders. Most of them had loved ones to return to, and she knew that there was only a small chance of seeing them again; surrender.

"I can't do it," Alanna whispered to herself. "Ready weapons!" She cried out loud.

This order was met with mutters of shock that were quickly silenced. The Lioness's face was set with grim determination. She was bestowed with a sense of pride that even a full fleet of lethal Scanran ships couldn't dent.

  
Well I will go down with this ship 

  
And I won't put my hands up and surrender 

  
There will be no white flag above my door 

  
I'm in love and always will be 

Neal approached his former knight-master.

"Alanna, this is crazy," he said urgently. "I know why you're doing this. King Jonathan really _does_ care for you, you know."

Alanna cast him a sharp look.

"My father," he replied in explanation.

"Well, Neal, look at it this way." She stared at the oncoming threat. "We're a breath away from winning this war. To surrender now might bring us back to square one. Better to fight, and end as heroes."

__

  
And when we meet 

  
As I'm sure we will 

  
All that was then 

  
Will be there still 

  
I'll let it pass 

  
And hold my tongue 

  
And you will think 

  
That I've moved on

The ships were on them now. Capture or death was inevitable.

"Surrender!" A Scanran officer called out in common. "You are outnumbered and outmatched!"

Slowly, the Tortallan knights and soldiers raised their hands, swords cradled in their palms: the sign of surrender. Neal and Kel, hands in the air, looked back at Alanna. She stood resolutely, challenging the enemy to attack.

The two friends didn't know what to do. It seemed, however, that the rest of their crew had seen the Lioness as well. In ones and twos pairs of hands were coming down, shifting instead into fighting position.

  
Well I will go down with this ship

  
And I won't put my hands up and surrender 

  
There will be no white flag above my door 

  
I'm in love and always will be

Alanna carefully bent over to take Issy's hands. The five year old was coming North to be reunited with his family. Now, he had his small arms as high in the air as they would go, and his face was screwed up in concentration. Gently Alanna lowered his arms and prompted him to relax. He looked at her in confusion, and she smiled sadly.

__

  
Well I will go down with this ship

  
And I won't put my hands up and surrender 

  
There will be no white flag above my door 

  
I'm in love and always will be

The Scanrans shifted restlessly one their boats. A catapult was launched. It slammed into the Tortallan vessel with such force that all onboard lunged for support to keep from falling. The Scanran officer leapt onto the rail.

"Attack!!!"

  
I will go down with this ship

  
And I won't put my hands up and surrender 

  
There will be no white flag above my door 

  
I'm in love and always will be

(A/n: sad, isn't it? Well, there's one heck of a cliffy for you. Hope you enjoyed! Now…review!)


	2. I'm glad to see you again

(A/n: hello! Thanks for all your wonderful reviews, you know I love them! I just realized that, even though I wasn't planning on a sequel, I actually have one in mind. I don't think I can make it a songfic though. Here it goes!

HAHAHA well good news. I found a song, but I don't know what it's called)

King Jonathan paced the deck of his ship in frustration and worry, rubbing his temples. Baird's son watched him with narrowed eyes, leaning against the rail, favoring his injured arm.

"And," Jon asked for the sixth time, "you're _sure_ that you have no idea where she is?"

Neal closed his eyes glumly. "No, Highness. Last I saw here was just before our surrender. She was very opposed to it--"

Jon spun around. "What do you mean?" He said. "She was opposed to…"

"Surrender," Neal replied bitterly. "I've no idea what happened to her."

Numair tapped Jon on the shoulder. "You could ask the prisoner, Jon," the mage suggested.

The King nodded and walked briskly to the bow of the ship, where the Scanran captain was bound and guarded. The soldiers surrounding him bowed as Jonathan approached.

"You," Jon said, indicating the prisoner. "What's your name?"

The Scanran spat on the deck. "Larvin Kohl, 'f'it please."

Jon nodded. "During your attack, Larvin…Do you recall a woman with red hair aboard?"

The captain grinned. "Ye, I seen 'er. Lively one, in'n she?"

Jon looked away, towards the endless stretch of bucking waves and spray-laden wind. "Where is she?" Jonathan's question came as a whisper, one that they had to strain to hear.

Larvin sucked a tooth in thought. "An' what do I get for tellin' ye?"

One of the guards nudged the man with the toe of his boot, growling something about courtesy to the king.

"Oh! The _King_ I'm speakin' to?" Larvin exclaimed, eyes lighting. "So, am I right t' suppose that yon red-haired mistress ye speak of is th' _champion_?" Everyone's silence confirmed Larvin's suspicions. "Well, I can tell ye' that she warn't aboard by th' time we get 'em. Must've…Jumped." He smiled wickedly. "Nasty weather, t'was. Wiv waves higher'n yer head! Foolish lass." Cackling, he continued. "But I s'pose if ye wanted t' find 'er, ye could get yer best swimmers to search to bottom…" One of the soldiers kicked him lightly as Jon walked away, head spinning. Numair grabbed his arm.

"She _jumped_?" Jon croaked, staring desperately at the waves.

"You're acting crazy Jon," Numair told him. "We need to take to land."

Neal stood and went over the ship captain, conveying Numair's orders. Soon, the ship was on its way to Frasrlund.

__

oh god you're still alive - I'm glad to see you again 

oh I'm really scared, I swear that I failed to know  
I hear you say that I never seemed to love you  
and when I'm asleep I don't want to hear you 

__

Jon sat with his head in his hands next to the fire. He had asked everyone to leave him alone. After a while, the silence started to ring in his ears, as guilt at away his insides. When he had gotten Alanna's message three days ago, right before she was attacked, he had made all haste to Port Caynn, where a battleship was waiting. With him were Numair, Buri, and a company of soldiers. Soon they had caught the Scanran fleet and, with the help of Numair's magic, overtaken them. On board were the Tortallan prisoners, save one. Jon had searched everywhere for Alanna. Now she was gone. And, no matter what way you spun it, it was Jon's fault.

  
  
and I don't know that I saw you drown  
and I don't know what I saw  
and I don't know.... you drowned

As darkness fell upon Frasrlund, Numair came to join his King.

"How long are we staying here, Jon," he asked.

"I don't know."

"Tell me what happened."

"Nothing."

Numair sighed and shifted positions. "This had to have been more than just a argument over furloughs," the taller man prodded. Jon groaned.

"It really should stay a secret." He mumbled.

"It would offend her memory," Numair argued. "There has to be a plausible reason that she would…you know."

Jon inhaled sharply and audibly. "It was about something that happened…A while ago. She thought that she should tell George, but I didn't want to confront it."

Numair made a silent inference that it was related to Alanna and Jon's past relationship, and let it rest, for the time being.

  
  
oh you never saw, I bleed to keep you unknown  
no you would never know, what I felt: left all alone  
and I lied to please the crowd that I belong to as well  
and I lied 

Jon once again asked for privacy as he retired to his tent and readied for a sleep that he knew would be disturbed by grief and torment. He reached over to put out his lantern when he heard a horse's nicker and footsteps. The King banished this, and turned over to face the opposite direction of the opening of his tent. Several moments later, the flap opened quietly, almost as if a breeze had blown in. Jon stiffened and started to turn, reaching for his sword in the same movement.

"Calm down, Jon," a familiar voice said. "It's just me."

Jon shook his head in disbelief and used his magic to light the branch of candles in his tent. There, standing in from of him, was Alanna. She looked tired and worn, but miraculously alive.

"It can't be," Jonathan whispered hoarsely.

Alanna smiled. "That's what I thought too. But, I've been making my way along the coast, borrowing things from surrounding farms…"

Jon sprang out of bed. "Why did you jump?" He asked softly, caressing Alanna's cheek with his thumb. 

Alanna looked down. "I though you of all people would know how stubborn my pride is. I couldn't bring myself to get captured."

Jon laughed. "I…I'm sorry, Alanna." He backed away regretfully. "If you want to tell George about what happened, then I'll tell Thayet--"

"It doesn't matter, Jon," Alanna reassured him. "I don't care anymore."

  
  
crawl out and share the love  
I can't explain the anger and that once I used to know  
That I was the one who tried to escape  
Tried to hold you back in my head

Numair poked his head into Jon's tent, after hearing the King's laugh. His eyes widened. Before him, Alanna and Jon were embracing. Alanna. In the flesh.

"Where did you come from?" He demanded, startling the two.

Alanna grinned recklessly. "Well, I swam to shore, with a little help from the Goddess," she chuckled fondly. "And took supplies from unknowing farmers, making my way here. It wasn't hard." She corrected herself after seeing Numair's skeptical look. "Well, it wasn't _too_ hard."

_  
  
and I didn't want to hurt you  
and I didn't want to hear you  
and I didn't want to leave you  
and couldn't even reach you  
and I lied - so I lied - never lied  
_


End file.
